Being committed means re-committing

"'I'm sorry,' said often, easily, and without tears, is a sure sign that we will do the same thing again soon..." K Bradford Brown, Guidelines to Relationships

"Failing, and coming back again,
Failing, and coming back again,
Failing, and coming back again.

This is the rhythm of creation, of being made free to love." K. Bradford Brown, Guidelines to Spirituality

By now, you may have missed the mark on some plans for your new year changes. Instead of just shrugging it off, giving up or beating yourself up, try re-committing. Re-committing means giving your word anew about what you will and will not do. It implies a course-correction.

Practice: This week, when you recommit, instead of beating yourself up for the miss, make plans for how you will keep your word this time and be "made free to love" again.

Want to be more loving?

Want to be more loving? Handle your resentment.

"Forgiveness is love's teacher. It severs the grip of ill will and clears the way for loving again." K. Bradford Brown

Practice: Spend some quiet time identifying people in your life that you are holding some ill will against. The big, unresolved ones may be easy to identify, but don't stop there. Look carefully to see where your mind is stacking up small annoyances to build a wall of resentment.

Once the list is made, make a commitment to yourself to use the Cost Process to clear up those resentments one by one.

Resolutions and Intentions

Whether or not we make formal New Year's resolutions, most of us expect ourselves to have fresh hopes and intentions of some sort as the new year rolls in. If you aren't aware of yours yet, take a moment to discover what your mind is expecting of you in 2011. This will get you going:

I really ought to ____ this year.
It's time to ______!
I have to stop/quit/give up _________ or else ___________.

Notice what happens to your energy and emotions as you fill in those blanks. Listen to what your mind is telling you and the tone of those messages. You may want to jot some of your mindtalk down and verify it.

Now try a different approach.

I want to be _________ this year.
I want to create _________.
I want to serve ___________.
I want ____________.
It would give me great joy to _________.

Now follow each statement with "because".

I want to be ______ this year because...

Notice what happens to your energy. What do you feel as you embrace what you really want to create?

Now you are ready for resolutions. You can use the Results Process to map out what you intend to create, why it matters to you, the steps you commit to take, and the support that you will put in place. Not familiar with the Results Process or need a refresher? Here are the steps.

Result: State the result you want to create, making sure it is SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timed, as in when you intend to have it done).
Intention: With your eyes closed, and breathing deeply, describe your intentions for creating this result. You want it because...
Visualize: Picture yourself creating and having the result. Use your imagination to make it as real to you as you can.
Actions: What actions will you take? Make a list of steps with due dates.
Support: Who will support you and how? Don't leave this crucial component out!

Happy New Year! Happy new being and creating!

Celebration or Obligation?

"Drudgery is a state of mind, not the task we refuse to enjoy." K. Bradford Brown

Funny how our minds can turn something like a month-long celebration into an endless to-do list, one stress-filled obligation after another. What is your mind telling you about the things you have agreed to do? Which of those things are you doing out of sheer obligation?

Wake up! You can choose what to do and how to be - even during the holidays.

Practice: See what happens when you challenge your mindtalk and simply choose to enjoy something!

Coming alive

"There are no extraordinary moments. Only moments when we come to life...or don't." K. Bradford Brown

At any moment, when you recognize that you have had a lifeshock, you have a choice. You can remember who you are and come to life, or lose your Self in your reaction.

If you want to come to life, the first step is to notice. What are your cues that you are caught up in your reactions?

Hint: notice physical and emotional cues, notice your behavior, listen to your tone of voice, pay attention to what you are thinking and speaking.

Practice coming alive!

Possibilities? Really?

"Resistance is when I am simply unwilling to experience the possibility before me." K. Bradford Brown

The alarm rings, but it's cold outside the covers.
You are asked to take on a new assignment, but you're comfortable doing what you're already doing.
Someone asks you to serve at an especially busy time.
The same kind of stories keep showing up in the news.
The phone rings - again!

And something inside you says, "NO!"
"I can't!"
"I won't."
"I shouldn't."
"I don't have a choice."

Not many options appear through those filters. It's either cave in to something you don't really want, or fight it. Not much choice, but lots of reaction.

What's really true, though? Dealing with your resistance opens up new possibilities for creative choices or for simply being happy.

Practice: Notice what resistance feels like in your body. When your resistance is high, ask yourself what possibility you are missing.

Ready to Learn?

The Mastery Connections blog is back! Each post will give you something to think about and something to practice to develop your ability to live masterfully. The next several posts will use some of the Marks of Mastery from the Practice of Processing course.

By the way, if you live in the Knoxville area, make plans to be in the Mastery class that starts on Tuesday, November 23 with Sharon Hoover and Ed Groody teaching.

Now, on with the main course of this post!

What does living masterfully look like?

Readiness to process lifeshocks and learn from them.

"Sometimes life looks like a maze with no exits. The maze is in my head. And there is always a way out." K. Bradford Brown

Practice: The way out begins with noticing that you are caught up in your reaction to a lifeshock (or a series of them!). What is your stand toward your lifeshocks? Are you standing ready to learn from them?

When you notice your reactions, practice identifying the lifeshock.

What happened that you reacted to?
What did you see..hear...smell...taste? What did you touch or what touched you?

Gifts and Presence

Written by Sharon Hoover

Well, here it is again – the last day of the year. It’s the time when we reflect on the recent past. I find that what floats seemingly unbidden into my awareness are those things that disappoint – or worse. I’m disappointed that I didn’t complete John’s afghan – the one I’ve been knitting for THREE years! I’m embarrassed that I didn’t lose those 10, well 15, pounds and that roll of fat around my middle. I’m ashamed of the judgments I’ve held against some of my dearest and most precious friends – you know who you are and I’m sorry.

Of course, I did many things for which I’m grateful, proud, and humbled, but I work myself over with the other stuff and there are gifts for me there. In my case, it’s almost always about how I was being with someone else. My choice, then, is how I want to be with myself in the face of that reality.

I can beat myself up. I do that more than I want to admit – and then I beat myself up for beating myself up.

I can justify my behavior. I’m often impressed by how elegantly convincing are my excuses, provided that’s, and limits from ‘out there.’

I can give up on myself, convinced that any attempts to ‘improve’ are futile because life is hopeless and I’m worthless.

I can get into pure desire then buck up with yet another list of New Year’s Resolutions.

Or I can say “thank you’ for EVERYthing in my life in the year gone by. I can search for and find ALL that was true. I can take myself back to those most vivid experiences and find everything that was part of that reality. I can discover MY part in each event, those I liked as well as those that just shouldn’t have happened. THAT’s the part that I can affect. I just can’t make Life, or my friends, my government, my spouse, those people who try to sell me stuff . . . do what I want. I have precious little to do with most of what happens to me. I have a LOT to do about what I do and how I’m being.

And then I choose. No matter which way I go, it is my choice. Just notice and choose. Notice and choose. It’s that simple though it isn’t easy to choose the more challenging path of taking responsibility for your experience. Practicing mastery is NOT the easy path, though in so many ways, it’s really the simplest.

Blessings to you for all you did and all you were in 2009 no matter what.

Sharon

Courage to go beyond fears

Look and you will find it --- what is unsought will go undetected
Sophocles

The Art of Mastery is about discerning what you want in your heart of hearts.
Giving voice to what you fear;
Seeking the truth underneath the fear and
Giving vision to what you truly want to create in your life.

As you look back on 2009, what did you want that you didn't create?
Is it something you want to go for again?
How will you be different this time?

As you look forward to 2010, what ONE thing do you want to create for your self, for others, and for the transformation of our world?

See it, name it, seek it....it's there for you to have.

Follow your LifeShocks for They will guide you on your journey.

The Practice of Processing Mastery class is on offer to you as you envision and plan your creation in 2010.

The Practice of Mastery . . .

"Being radically response-able for the quality of your results, relationships and self-regard as you engage with the challenges of your life"

Adapted from the Art of Responsibility

Explore your practice of Response-ability.

How are you navigating the results you want ~

Are you consciously choosing and course correcting or
are you on automatic pilot?

Are you intentionally connecting in your relationships or
are you covertly separating?

Are you expanding your love-ability and joy or
are you contracting into numbness?

Think about it! Act on it!
It may be that simple ~ notice, tell the truth, choose, create, experience gratitude ~ The response is up to you.

“A lot of things
make a difference.
Some things make
all the difference." K.Bradford Brown, Guidelines to Creativity

Did you make some new commitments for 2009? Or are you like my friend who is so tired of struggling to change her behavior that she decided to spare herself all that this year.

Most of us know what that’s like, don’t we? I made myself miserable for weeks struggling to stick to a food plan a few years ago. Give up sugar? Please! No caffeine? Sorry, I meet with clients at coffee shops, for heaven’s sake. And what about all the food at networking functions and family gatherings? It seemed hard wherever I turned.

In spite of the battle I’d had with it before, last year I committed to the same plan again. This time, though, I sailed through it with a sense of fun and creative challenge. It was easy!

What made the difference? I was 100% committed. All the way in.

I’ll bet you have experience with being 100% in, too. Once we’re all in we start looking for how to stay with it, how to make it work, what supports the goal. Quite simply, our purpose acts as a filter for where to put our attention. As long as we’re holding out at some level, we pay attention to other options, too, so there are more decision points, more temptation, and more struggle.

Practice: Where is your commitment in the 90’s (or less) rather than at 100%? What would it take for you to put the full focus of your commitment behind it? Find your 100% and see what happens!

Airports as a Vehicle for Spiritual and Social Transformation

Is there a better place and activity, other than a More to Life Weekend, than traveling through a busy airport to get your daily supply of LIFESHOCKS? I don’t think so!

Airports and travel in general are now my church, my number one location and source for personal and spiritual growth, the place where I get to practice Mastery, and grow spiritually moment to moment – whether I am ready or willing or NOT.

I was thinking to myself a few weeks ago, that I am not using the travel time I have wisely… it is often “wasted time," waiting in lines, walking from here to there, elbowing people out of the way, or simply reading the paper… not noticing. Instead, airports and travel, just as life, is all the time everywhere constantly nudging me to wake up - to bring myself and love to every situation.

I am running late, driving to the airport. Every light is red. The cars in front of me are driving extra slowly. I cannot miss this flight, important meeting, big contract. “I won’t take it” “I won’t take it.” I can take it. I will take it. Breathe. And for the hundredth time I promise God I will get here earlier if I can just make it to the flight on time and alive.

I jog up to the security line, which is usually small or non-existent at the Knoxville, McGhee Tyson airport, and it is winding down to the fountain midway down the hall. I won’t take it. I won’t take. I will take it. Breathe. 45 minutes until my flight leaves.

I make it to point in the process where you need to choose which security line and conveyor belt you will join. And, more importantly, which security agent you think is the fastest. In the process of becoming a now seasoned traveler, I have been wisely studying the agents. The first line, look at it, its going twice as fast. I confidently choose that line.

Ugh. One minute later, they change agents. A nervous agent takes the inspection seat, evidently new to the job and ready to be thorough. Now I am all for safety and fighting terrorism , but our line is not budging. An older man gets beeped as he goes through the x-ray. He needs to return, holding up the line. The agent continues being extra cautious, and takes three times the amount of time that the other agents take. I can’t take this. I won’t take this. I won’t. Breath. I can take this. I can take this. I am taking this. I will take this.

During every trip I take these days, life is helping me to grow. Each time I travel, life reminds me that my daily discipline of meditation is essential, providing me with a reservoir of patience and calm to take me through the day. These daily and weekly disciplines - processing, meditation, reflection, time with community to get and give support. When I do those, everything goes better, or perhaps they just go the way they go, but I am better.

The opportunity to practice Mastery is everywhere all the time. My favorite poet Rumi says: What time is it? It's time to pray. And that’s how I feel in airports, its always time to pray, to notice and be someone that brings helpfulness and humor and kindness rather than frustration or self-centeredness.

So, as you travel this holiday season, remember that the long line to get checked in, the security line that won’t move, the overworked and unpleasant airline employee – are all gifts and opportunities – just for you!

Gratitude as a spiritual discipline

"Develop spiritual
disciplines that maintain an awakened state."

What would happen if you chose to be grateful...period? No matter what.

"Happiness begins
with our choice to say 'yes'
to whatever Life gave us,

whether we wanted it
or not." Brad Brown, Guide Lines to Feelings

Practice: This week, celebrate Thanksgiving by choosing to be grateful no matter what. Chances are you will notice more of what delights you, more of what is beautiful, more of what touches you. There will also be those times that you don't really want what Life is giving you. Then what?

Remember the five practices in the connecting space "above the line"? Notice, tell the truth, choose, create, and then...gratitude.
Happy Thanks Giving!

Willingness to choose service that provides "negative" Lifeshocks

The Courageous Conversation
"To be courgeous means at bottom to be heartfelt. The word courage in English comes from the French word cuer, heart. Life is a creative, intimate and upredictable conversation if it is nothing else, spoken or unspoken, and our life and our work are both the result of the particular way we hold that passionate conversation."
David Whyte, Crossing the Unknown Sea, Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity.

Living Mastery is being willing to have courageous conversations even if your voice shakes and your knees tremble; to provide the truth of what you see, what you hear and what you think, all in the context of being For the other, For Life, and For yourself. Is that not what courageous love really is afterall; being willing to provide the Lifeshock that may serve to awaken and transform.

PRACTICE
Look and listen for your opportunities to have a courageous conversation with a loved one, a co-worker, a dear friend. What have you been holding back? What are you afraid might happen if you said that....
Find your truest, most noble intention and go forward Warrior.

"Wanting the best for you

is wanting the best

for me"

Brad Brown, Guidelines to Love

Ability to contribute without reserve or resistance

I can't

I wont'

I have to.

You should,

I should

I shouldn't.

Why?

I would like to, but . .

sure signs

of a warrior

who has

lost

his way.

Brad Brown, Mental Touchstones for the Warrior of the Spirit

Practice:

Who and where are you shoulding?

Who and where are you being For someone and For yourself?

Which one feels more resistant, tight, constricting; or open, easy, light?

Will you find your lightness? It can be a simple choice....really.

Objective, not identified with the results of one's actions.

Marks of Mastery, K. Bradford Brown

Outward circumstances

neither make nor break us,

unless inwardly,

we have identified with them.

Inside Out: Mental Touchstones for the Awakening Spirit, K. Bradford Brown

PRACTICE: This week, remember:

• "I produce results. I am not my results."
• "I achieve what I set out to achieve, or I don't. Either way, I remain who I am."
• "My results are not a commentary on my worth as a human being."

Then breathe, choose and keep moving forward. By not judging, you are free to simply 'observe yourself with interest' and course-correct rather than waste your precious life energy berating yourself. Now that's a relief!

With love, honor and respect.

Ability to Self-Remember

Self-remembrance can take many forms. It can look like remembering, honoring, and acknowledging all that has been given to you by your significant relationships: parents, children, siblings, spouses, partners, and teachers. We are who we are in part because of those who raised us, taught us and loved us.

Love trusts itself

to find the right words

without rehearsal

K. Bradford Brown, "Guidelines to Love"

PRACTICE: Write a love letter to one of your beloved --- whether they are alive or have passed. Express all the things they have done for you... gifted you with... and how they have loved you.
Decide what to do with the letter. Whatever you choose, it will be the right choice.

Namaste

Objective, not identified with the results of one's actions.

Marks of Mastery, K. Bradford Brown

Outward circumstances
neither make or break us,
unless inwardly,
we have identified with them.

Inside Out: Mental Touchstones for the Awakening Spirit, K. Bradford Brown

PRACTICE:
This week, remember . . .

• "I produce results. I am not my results."
• "I achieve what I set out to achieve, or I don't. Either way, I remain who I am."
• "My results are not a commentary on my worth as a human being - win or lose."

Then breathe, choose and keep moving forward - or not. It's your choice - so long as you are conscious and intentional.

With love, honor and respect.

Development of spiritual disciplines to maintain an awakened state.

Marks of Mastery, K. Bradford Brown

You don't have to do a lot.

You just have to be willing.

The rest falls into place . . .

unless

it doesn't.

Then you continue to be willing.

Inside Out: Mental Touchstones for the Awakening Spirit, K. Bradford Brown

PRACTICE

This week, choose a "discipline" that will awaken you from sleep over and over again. Just as your alarm clock in the morning prompts your shift from asleep to wake, so can you set your daily practice to bring you back again and again to your awakened state. Choose whatever works for you. Here are some suggestions:

• Pray
• Meditate
• Comtemplate a thing of beauty
• Take three conscious breaths
• Read spiritual writings

Notice any tendency of your mind to believe that a "discipline" has to be difficult or time-consuming. In truth, willingness is all it takes.

With love, honor and respect.

What does living masterfully look like?

Contributing without reserve or resistance.

Marks of Mastery, K. Bradford Brown

The day came

when it was more

painful

for the bud

to stay closed

than to open.

Inside Out: Mental Touchstones for the Awakening Spirit, K. Bradford Brown

PRACTICE:

Notice your resistance. That's it. Notice it. Acknowledge it. Then go ahead and contribute.

What happened to your resistance?

With love, honor and respect.