Want to be more loving?

Want to be more loving? Handle your resentment.

"Forgiveness is love's teacher. It severs the grip of ill will and clears the way for loving again." K. Bradford Brown

Practice: Spend some quiet time identifying people in your life that you are holding some ill will against. The big, unresolved ones may be easy to identify, but don't stop there. Look carefully to see where your mind is stacking up small annoyances to build a wall of resentment.

Once the list is made, make a commitment to yourself to use the Cost Process to clear up those resentments one by one.

Resolutions and Intentions

Whether or not we make formal New Year's resolutions, most of us expect ourselves to have fresh hopes and intentions of some sort as the new year rolls in. If you aren't aware of yours yet, take a moment to discover what your mind is expecting of you in 2011. This will get you going:

I really ought to ____ this year.
It's time to ______!
I have to stop/quit/give up _________ or else ___________.

Notice what happens to your energy and emotions as you fill in those blanks. Listen to what your mind is telling you and the tone of those messages. You may want to jot some of your mindtalk down and verify it.

Now try a different approach.

I want to be _________ this year.
I want to create _________.
I want to serve ___________.
I want ____________.
It would give me great joy to _________.

Now follow each statement with "because".

I want to be ______ this year because...

Notice what happens to your energy. What do you feel as you embrace what you really want to create?

Now you are ready for resolutions. You can use the Results Process to map out what you intend to create, why it matters to you, the steps you commit to take, and the support that you will put in place. Not familiar with the Results Process or need a refresher? Here are the steps.

Result: State the result you want to create, making sure it is SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timed, as in when you intend to have it done).
Intention: With your eyes closed, and breathing deeply, describe your intentions for creating this result. You want it because...
Visualize: Picture yourself creating and having the result. Use your imagination to make it as real to you as you can.
Actions: What actions will you take? Make a list of steps with due dates.
Support: Who will support you and how? Don't leave this crucial component out!

Happy New Year! Happy new being and creating!

Celebration or Obligation?

"Drudgery is a state of mind, not the task we refuse to enjoy." K. Bradford Brown

Funny how our minds can turn something like a month-long celebration into an endless to-do list, one stress-filled obligation after another. What is your mind telling you about the things you have agreed to do? Which of those things are you doing out of sheer obligation?

Wake up! You can choose what to do and how to be - even during the holidays.

Practice: See what happens when you challenge your mindtalk and simply choose to enjoy something!

Coming alive

"There are no extraordinary moments. Only moments when we come to life...or don't." K. Bradford Brown

At any moment, when you recognize that you have had a lifeshock, you have a choice. You can remember who you are and come to life, or lose your Self in your reaction.

If you want to come to life, the first step is to notice. What are your cues that you are caught up in your reactions?

Hint: notice physical and emotional cues, notice your behavior, listen to your tone of voice, pay attention to what you are thinking and speaking.

Practice coming alive!

Possibilities? Really?

"Resistance is when I am simply unwilling to experience the possibility before me." K. Bradford Brown

The alarm rings, but it's cold outside the covers.
You are asked to take on a new assignment, but you're comfortable doing what you're already doing.
Someone asks you to serve at an especially busy time.
The same kind of stories keep showing up in the news.
The phone rings - again!

And something inside you says, "NO!"
"I can't!"
"I won't."
"I shouldn't."
"I don't have a choice."

Not many options appear through those filters. It's either cave in to something you don't really want, or fight it. Not much choice, but lots of reaction.

What's really true, though? Dealing with your resistance opens up new possibilities for creative choices or for simply being happy.

Practice: Notice what resistance feels like in your body. When your resistance is high, ask yourself what possibility you are missing.

Ready to Learn?

The Mastery Connections blog is back! Each post will give you something to think about and something to practice to develop your ability to live masterfully. The next several posts will use some of the Marks of Mastery from the Practice of Processing course.

By the way, if you live in the Knoxville area, make plans to be in the Mastery class that starts on Tuesday, November 23 with Sharon Hoover and Ed Groody teaching.

Now, on with the main course of this post!

What does living masterfully look like?

Readiness to process lifeshocks and learn from them.

"Sometimes life looks like a maze with no exits. The maze is in my head. And there is always a way out." K. Bradford Brown

Practice: The way out begins with noticing that you are caught up in your reaction to a lifeshock (or a series of them!). What is your stand toward your lifeshocks? Are you standing ready to learn from them?

When you notice your reactions, practice identifying the lifeshock.

What happened that you reacted to?
What did you see..hear...smell...taste? What did you touch or what touched you?

Gifts and Presence

Written by Sharon Hoover

Well, here it is again – the last day of the year. It’s the time when we reflect on the recent past. I find that what floats seemingly unbidden into my awareness are those things that disappoint – or worse. I’m disappointed that I didn’t complete John’s afghan – the one I’ve been knitting for THREE years! I’m embarrassed that I didn’t lose those 10, well 15, pounds and that roll of fat around my middle. I’m ashamed of the judgments I’ve held against some of my dearest and most precious friends – you know who you are and I’m sorry.

Of course, I did many things for which I’m grateful, proud, and humbled, but I work myself over with the other stuff and there are gifts for me there. In my case, it’s almost always about how I was being with someone else. My choice, then, is how I want to be with myself in the face of that reality.

I can beat myself up. I do that more than I want to admit – and then I beat myself up for beating myself up.

I can justify my behavior. I’m often impressed by how elegantly convincing are my excuses, provided that’s, and limits from ‘out there.’

I can give up on myself, convinced that any attempts to ‘improve’ are futile because life is hopeless and I’m worthless.

I can get into pure desire then buck up with yet another list of New Year’s Resolutions.

Or I can say “thank you’ for EVERYthing in my life in the year gone by. I can search for and find ALL that was true. I can take myself back to those most vivid experiences and find everything that was part of that reality. I can discover MY part in each event, those I liked as well as those that just shouldn’t have happened. THAT’s the part that I can affect. I just can’t make Life, or my friends, my government, my spouse, those people who try to sell me stuff . . . do what I want. I have precious little to do with most of what happens to me. I have a LOT to do about what I do and how I’m being.

And then I choose. No matter which way I go, it is my choice. Just notice and choose. Notice and choose. It’s that simple though it isn’t easy to choose the more challenging path of taking responsibility for your experience. Practicing mastery is NOT the easy path, though in so many ways, it’s really the simplest.

Blessings to you for all you did and all you were in 2009 no matter what.

Sharon